Cashing In

Torkis comes to you live from my NUSC1165 class! I'm capitalizing on the pointlessness of this class and writing a blog entry.

I last left Torkis just outside the door of Addamasartus having conquered the dark elves, slaves, and loot inside. I decide to hoof it back to the Seyda Neen tradehouse and put some clink in my pocket. After a few minutes at a brisk walk, I head through the door of Arrille's Tradehouse. Arrille is stationed directly behind the counter, where he has remained vigilant and unwavering since the beginning of Torkis' adventure. Another thing that has remained, is the scowl on his face every time I walk in the door. I ignore it and initiate business. He immediately shoots me down, saying he won't do business if I still had moon sugar on me. How he sees through my clothes into my pockets is beyond me, but I have a decision to make here. I ponder it for a few seconds, and do what any intelligent man would do. I take the moon sugar out of my pocket, place it on the counter directly in front of Arrille, and initiate business again. Apparently, this is sufficient for him. Arrille must not be a fan of the law, he simply just goes through the basic regulations to prevent getting shut down... Nice! He probably sells booze to minors too.


I throw all my shit down, and ask him to make an offer. For the enchanted axe, slew of daggers, scroll, potions, and plant ingredients, he offers 221 gold. I say make it 243 and we got ourselves a deal! He reluctantly agrees, and I pocket my first big paycheck. Making note that I owe 24 gold to the temple due to my 10% tithe obligation I made for myself. I end the transaction, and browse the goods around the store. I decide I want to treat myself to something nice. I talk to Arrille again and ask him what he has for armor. He shows me a wide array of the stuff, and I select out a set of pauldrons and some greaves, all made of steel. I offer him 153 gold for the lot, and he accepts. Alright! Almost a full set of armor, and some money left over! I stride out the door excited for what the day may bring. I head out of town again along thes same path where I found Addamasartus. I continue past the cave and follow the road.

It isn't long before I run into some excitement. Directly in front of me is the most hideous creature I've ever seen. The magic dialogue box in the sky tells me it is a Kwama worker. Since I'm not bleeding profusely from any orephous, I get the impression that he is non-hostile. I weigh the options and select the best one. Take an action shot with the crazy bugger! I befriend the beast and name him Skippy. I pat Skippy on the head and head in the Abaesen-Pulu egg mine!

Inside, I don't see any thieves, mages, or warhammer-wielding orcs looking for my head, so already this is a positive experience. All around me are just loads of eggs, probably of the same creature variety of Skippy. I head down the tunnel and run into one of Skippy's friends! Well let's just say his friends are cocks, because they decide to hug me with their razor-sharp talons. You know what they say, a friend of my friend is my enemy, so I lay waste to him. Well he puts up quite a fight, but he eventually goes down. During the fight however, I contracted Ash-Chancre. Woe has befallen Torkis once again. I dig deep into the annals of my mind (check my status bar) and come to the realization that ash-chancre is a common disease, and this particular strain affects my personality by 33 points. I don't know what the conversion rate from morrowing to real life is... but I'd imagine 33 points is somewhere along the lines of going from jolly to a surly fuck. So I pout my lips and continue on through the cave, wondering how the hell I'm going to get rid of this stupid disease. After a couple more minutes I decide to sleep to recover my health and magic. Suddenly a screen pops up in my dream... I've leveled up!!!

"You realize that all your life you have been coasting along as if you were in a dream (damn right). Suddenly, facing the trials of the last few days, you have come alive." Damn! Almost as accurate as the Waterbury-Republican horoscopes. With renewed vigor, I plod on through the egg mine. I lay waste to the majority of Skippy's family as the air around me takes on a ominous red mist. I turn the corner and bump into one ugly son of a bitch, Skippy's mother. The queen of the egg mine is a creature that will haunt my dreams for years. Since she didn't try to kill me though, and I got a solid dozen eggs from her mine, I decide to spare her life. Chances are she'd whoop my ass anyway. I take another picture and then head out of the mine. Nothing really too valuable, but I'm alive and a whole level stronger!

I reach the fresh air once again, quite glad to be out of the musty air. I then remember how I caught ash-chancre is the cave, and how it was Skippy's brother's fault... I show the adverse of effects of a negative personality and carve Skippy up into Kwama Jerky... That'll show 'em.

Moonlight Mud Baths

I'm fresh off my failed foray into The Smuggler's Coast as I head back towards Seyda Neen in search of some higher quality weaponry. The iron mace, while slightly effective against singular skeletons and intimidating mudcrabs, simply is not getting it done. A bit discouraged, I head out from Hla Oad and head towards where I started. At this point, I'm regretting setting that "no fast travel" requirement for myself. While it seems I can maintain a slow-jog with marathon like endurance, it still takes an incredible amount of time to get from one place to another. After a few minutes of walking I see a mud-crab just hanging around. Partly to rebuild my confidence, but mostly to spice up the day, I take out the mud crab with extreme prejudice. He is kind enough to reward me with some tender crab meat. I continue on my way through the rolling hills in the dark, since it is now night time. Plodding on, I suddenly hear some nasty bubbling noises. I look around and was delighted to see something that I didn't catch on the way to Hla Oad.... Natural mud baths! Figuring it was a once in a lifetime opportunity, I hopped in... armor and all!

There were about 10 pools in all, I select the biggest one and spend a few minutes enjoying the boiling mud, and then hop out and trek on. Luckily, it seems to be ultra-slipprey mud, because there seems to not be a drop on neither my armor nor my clothes. What a reversal of fortune! People pay fortunes for mud baths, and I got my own set all to myself.

The landscape begins to change as I get closer to Seyda Neen. The rocky rolling hills slowly turn to swampy marshlands. I know that I'm almost close when I pass my shrine to Tarhiel. I consider taking his silver enchanted long sword that I had made part of his shrine, but I don't want to start my adventures by desecrating a dead man's belongings. Moving past the shrine, I make it over a few more hills and then arrive back at square one, Seyda Neen. Despite being 3AM, everyone seems to still be awake! I admire their endurance and make a beeline for the tradehouse.

Arrille does not seem very pleased to see me. He whines, "Spare me to the formalities, and get to the point." Must be due to his lack of sleep. I let it slide and tell him about my plight. He thinks to himself for a minute, and then shows me a silver shortsword. It's a nicely made blade, but not the type of weapon that I am proficient in using. Drats... I begin to head back towards the door when he calls back, "I do have one other thing... A one-time use scroll, 'Drathis' Winter Guest'"... Sounds potent. For lack of any better ideas, I decide to purchase it. Deciding to, and actually purchasing are two completely different things however. I nearly choked on the crab meat I was munching on when he said it was going to be 88 gold. What a rip! I remember the unpleasentries he initially greeted me with and give it right back to him, cursing him out while storming out the door.

Now what am I going to do? Why can't anything be easy? I don't know anyone on this blasted continent, and no one will cut me a break. I grab a hold of myself, and determine that I'll just keep wandering the countryside, looking for caves and picking ingredients. Worst comes to worse, I go back to Glonogath and try and get a job herding Netch. I shudder at the horrible though as I head out of town the opposite way I entered. I go over a small rise just outside of town, and lo and behold! A cave!

Recounting my recent track record with caves and other natural dwellings, I'm a little hestiant to enter... but I think what's the worse that can happen? Probably impalement, but that's a risk I'll just have to take. I preemptively take out my mace and enter Addamasartus. I enter the cave on a small ramp, and look around myself. Down below me is a campfire, an unaware dark elf, and a giant row boat... It appears that this dark elf is an underground rowing enthusiast. She apparently heard me laughing at her, because she whips out a small dagger and storms towards me. This is it I said... No running from this one, it's do or die time! She begins stabbing me repeatedly, but the dagger doesn't do much damage. My mace crushes her internal organs and grinds her face to a bloody pulp in a matter of seconds. When her body crumbles to the ground in a pool of blood, I yelp in joy at finally having done something right! I quickly rifle through her belongings and acquire the chitin dagger she was using, 5 gold, and a key! What a stash! I kick past the body of Traniese Verethi, as I learned she was called, and head deeper into the cavern. My footsteps echo thunderously through the cavern as I creep forward. It's not long before I head around a corner and stumble on to two more dark elves. I already proved I could take one, but two? One begins to casting spells, while the other begins throwing throwing stars at me. I turned around and head for the doorway I just went through, figuring that it'd be easier to fight them one at a time. The plan works wonders as the dark elf broad runs out of throwing stars and pulls out the same type of dagger as the Verethi girl. I lay into her as her colleague rockets spell after spell right into her back... Some friend, huh? I make short work of the wannabe ninja and head over to the spellcaster. He puts up less than a fight than his female counterpart did. What a wimp! The fight is over quickly, and I move to loot their bodies. I strip their crappy weapons, and also find a lockpick and a probe on the body of the female. Not my type of tools, but something that I can sell for sure!

I look around looking for more enemies, but it appears that I've cleared the cave. It finally gives me a second to relax, and look around to see if there is anything I can use. I go up a ladder and find a stash of boxes and barrels. I check in side and find a whole bunch of goods. Shoes, a sword, booze, plants, and ut oh... drugs. Moon sugar, and skooma, the scourge of the empire! These chumps were simply drug-pushing deadbeats, no wonder they were so weak, they were probably high! Moon sugar and skooma are illegal to possess in the empire, which leaves me with a tough choice. They're worth a good deal of cash, and I'm sure there'd be plenty of buyers. On the other hand, is it worth going against my morals, and breaking the law? I figure the best way to think about it is by putting it in my pocket and move on. Thinking I reached the cave, I head back towards the exit. I take one last look around and see a small pool of water... Upon investigation, it turns out that it is an underground waterway. My curiosity is piqued, and I dive in. I get about 10 feet in when the bajesus gets scared out of me by a skeleton floating in the water. Luckily, it's not alive. I investigate further, and it appears that this guy died while having a picnic and going fishing. Which reminds me of my golden rule, never do drugs and go fishing underwater.

I snag his fishing pole, and keep on swimming. It appears that the path doesn't go any further, so I surface and confirm my suspicion. Against the wall however, is a rusty old chest. I swim over to it and look inside. I'm greeted by a huge magical axe, and a scroll of Ondusi's Unhinging... Neat-o! I knew this adventuring would pay off. I grab my new belongings, and head for the exit. I'm next to the door, when I see one more path that I haven't taken. I head up the stairs, figuring to find a dead-on, but I stumble on a locked cage full of slaves. Oh boy I think to myself, I'm in way over my head. The door is locked, the key I found apparently doesn't unlock the door... I think for a second before whipping out my new scroll. It makes quick work of the lock, and I head inside the cage to the shock of the slaves.

They recoil in fear, thinking I've come to hurt or kill them. I let them know that I'm there to help as I take out the key I found and find that it unlocks their bracers. I unlock all their bracers and tell them they're free. They thank me... but then they don't leave! I just helped the bastards, and now they want to stay? Oh well, fine with me. I leave them in possession of the cave and head out the door. When I finally get out, it's the middle of the day, and I'm absolutley exhausted. I wander over to the side of the road and fall asleep feeling fulfilled. What a day!

Adventure!

It's been a while since I've played Morrowind. I like to think, that my character, Torkis, has simply been on vacation. The stress of picking and selling flowers and mushrooms gets to you. I simply needed a 4 month vacation after that. It appears that Torkis did some adventuring on his own, either that, or I played a bit with the intention of writing a second entry and just forgot about it. Either way, I'm sporting some hot new bling!



Ever since I put it on I feel so much more motivated to go out there and do things. Complex problems now seem trivial, and I tell my brain to deduce where the hell I am. After asking, Glonagoth, a rotund wood elf who just happens to be a herder, it appears that I've some how ended up in Hla Oad. It's a small fishing town on the west coast of Vvardenfell. We talk about netch herding for a bit, but I get the impression he got in quite a tangle with a bull netch earlier in the afternoon, because he is quick to change the subject. I say goodbye to Glonagoth, and head on my way to check out the sights of the town.

Well Hla Oad apparently isn't that big, because a 15-second trip around the dock brings me back to where I started. I head to the local tavern, Fatleg's Drop Off, and chat up a black man in the corner. His name is Trasteve. His parents seemed to have been torn between two names when he was a child. Should they name his Steve? or should they name him Trash? They apparently compromised, and settled on Trasteve. Either way, he lets me in on a little lore of the area. He tells me that I'm in the Bitter Coast Region... How charming! He also says it's known by another name, the Smuggler's Coast. He says that there are hidden caves and caches of treasure up and down the coast for those brave, or stupid, enough to go looking for them. Now that I'm sporting my new ring, I'm not stupid, so I guess that makes me brave! Knowing that the trip is likely to be dangerous, I buy a shiny steel helm from Trasteve, and bid him farewell. To the coast we go!

I set out west from the town and look for excitement. It's not long until I stumble on massive stone ruins on a small island. I cross the crude wood-plank bridge and check it out. I know from my youthful paladin studies that these are daedric ruins. My blood begins to boil as I whip out my mace. As I make my way over to the entrance to the ruins, there is no sign of hostile life. I find the door, and on it is written the ruins name... Ashurnibibi. I mutter to myself, "As... Ash-err... Ash-err-ba-nibibi... Ash-err-n-n-n nevermind..."



Behind the door is a staircase that lead deep into the ruins. Awesome, it appears deserted! I go down a small hallways, through an underground cave where I have to do some light swimming. Now that I'm soaked, I go into what appears to be the master chamber. A huge statue of a Daedra god, with a sword brandished, stares me down as I enter. I'm so transfixed, that I don't even notice the huge orc to my right casting some purple shit.

He doesn't look so tough. Who's ever even heard of an orc spellcaster? I whip back my mace and let it fly! I miss horribly and stagger over. Apparently that green robe the orc was wearing has some deep pockets, because that son of a bitch whips out a warhammer and starts wailing on me. One hit crushes my body and nearly kills me. I suddenly don't feel so brave as I turn tail and start bootin' dick. I retrace my steps without looking behind me. I hear footsteps, but my adrenaline wills me to make it out the door. Good thing the Orc doesn't know how to open the door... Phew...

^ He meant business ^

I can't believe my adventures nearly came to a permanent end so early in my career. I try to walk off the incident. Finally having calmed down a bit, I head north and spot a cave in the distance. Cave's are much less intimidating, so I head over there, hoping I could regain my confidence. I begin wading through the swamp to get to the cave, but decide to pick some flowers for a bit. Suddenly, picking flowers doesn't seem like a bad living. I finally get to the door. Shal is the name of the cave. Simple name, simple adventure, and right now, that's fine.


I open the door, and immediately spot a skeleton dead ahead. He appears to be unarmed, so I run up to him with my mace. Despite wearing no clothes, and being able to see through him, he pulls out an axe and begins to go to town on me. Luckily, he couldn't swing as hard as the Orc. The skeleton probably hasn't had enough calcium lately. I land some clean hits, and I give him a fresh case of osteoperosis. He knicks me a few times, but I eventually put him down. I grab the skeletons shield he was carrying, and his axe. The axe will be good to sell, and the shield will be great to use. Finally! Torks tastes success, and I'm well on my way to becoming a respectable paladin.

I continue through the cave, and eventually come upon another skselton and a bonelord. I get a little nervous, because I don't know if I can take two enemies at once. I get even more nervous when I find out that my iron mace has no effect on the bonelord. I scream in frustration, as I'm forced to run back to the entrance. In a rage, I storm back to Hla Oad and search for a more suitable weapon. I hit up Trasteve, and ask him what I could use. He lets me know that only spells, enchanted weapons, and silver weapons. I was like, "Cool, which one of those do you have?" He stares back blankly and stammers, "I don't have any."

^ "DURRRRRR" ^
Thanks for nothing TrASSh. I leave Fatleg's Drop Off, and leave this crap-coast town and head back to Seyda Neen to find some real weapons, vowing that I would return to Shal to cleanse it once and for all.